On Values
Sharing my top personal values, a cool but challenging personal values assessment, and thoughts on centering values in our lives
Talking about values seems a little old-timey to me. I don’t think I’m alone in that. I also think that some of us got turned off by values when conservatives co-opted and weaponized them, particularly against women and single moms. This past year though, I’ve come back to values as a guiding force in my life.
Thinking back, I don’t remember anyone teaching me about values in any real way growing up. I went to public school, so we didn’t talk about those things there. The adults in my personal life sometimes talked about things like the importance of not lying, but to be honest, they seemed to lie all the time, lie about how they were really feeling for example, so that was confusing. I was taught that you should be honest, not because we choose to value honesty, but more so that if you told a lie or stole something, that badness would come back onto you. Sort of like a non-spiritual, anxious version of karma.
A couple of years ago, I read a delightful book that I can highly recommend: The Illustrated Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living, by Russ Harris. Harris is a leader in the ACT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, movement. ACT basically teaches us how to accept that life includes lots of emotions, that happiness is only one part of life, but not a state that we can realistically maintain at all times, and that we’re better off committing to pursuing a life of meaning than a life of happiness. Instead of asking ourselves, “How can I be happy all day every day?” which is not going to happen and will actually make us miserable since it’s an impossible goal, we can instead ask, “How can I make choices in alignment with my values and in pursuit of living a meaningful life?” That is possible, and happiness will be one of many by-products of those choices. Note: There’s a non-illustrated version of the book, but I recommend the illustrated version. It’s fun, and I think we’re all a bit worded out in our culture anyway.
This past summer, I got one of those big poster boards we used to use for science fairs, and I used it to map out my life. My brain loves props, and the bigger the better. At the top center of the board, I’ve placed my most important personal values. On the left, I’ve listed my needs and desires. In the bottom center, I’ve written my career and hobby visions and goals. On the right, I have a list of experiences I want to try out that are in alignment with my needs, desires, and values. After I have an experience, I give it a star rating. Finding five-star experiences that align with my values is one of my goals for this year and the future.
What are my top personal values?
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